Day 17 of 21 -Five-Day Fast-SHINGLES

Arise and Shine for the Glory of the Lord has risen among you.  Isaiah 60:1

I was going through a very dark spiritual time in my life.  It was an onset of darkness that I had not been physically prepared for.  I was truly a Warrior Princess Bride at that time.  I was battling mentally and spiritually my own thoughts and actions.  I needed breakthrough.  I needed a miracle!  I needed divine intervention.  Around that time, I began taking note of all the double, triple, multiple numbers I kept seeing on the clocks, on billboards and advertisements.  I knew the Lord was using 'signs to make me wonder.' 

I began looking up double and triple number scripture references.  The Lord began speaking to me through these various multiple numbers.  In doing this,  I felt if I wanted him to move on my behalf, I needed to fast for breakthrough.  I was led to do a five-day fast.  Esther and her people, the Jewish people, needed a miracle.  A decree of death was issued for them all.  They were facing a crisis and needed a miraculous breakthrough.

Let's read Esther 3:8-11, 13, 15

“There is a certain people dispersed among the peoples in all the provinces of your kingdom who keep themselves separate. Their customs are different from those of all other people, and they do not obey the king’s laws; it is not in the king’s best interest to tolerate them. ⁹ If it pleases the king, let a decree be issued to destroy them, and I will give ten thousand talents of silver to the king’s administrators for the royal treasury.”  ¹⁰ So the king took his signet ring from his finger and gave it to Haman son of Hammedatha, the Agagite, the enemy of the Jews.  ¹¹ “Keep the money,” the king said to Haman, “and do with the people as you please.”  ¹³ Dispatches were sent by couriers to all the king’s provinces with the order to destroy, kill and annihilate all the Jews—young and old, women and children and to plunder their goods.  The king and Haman sat down to drink, but the city of Susa was bewildered.

Here we have an evil plot taking place.  The king blindly agrees to this evil demise of the Jews both young and old by giving his signet ring to Haman.  This decree left the city of Susa BEWILDERED!

Have you ever been bewildered (perplexed, confused?)  This news headline would certainly cause a reaction inside the deepest part of your being!

Esther 4:1-3

When Mordecai learned of all that had been done, he tore his clothes, put on sackcloth and ashes, and went out into the city, wailing loudly and bitterly. ² But he went only as far as the king’s gate, because no one clothed in sackcloth was allowed to enter it.  ³ In every province to which the edict and order of the king came, there was great mourning among the Jews, with fasting, weeping and wailing. Many lay in sackcloth and ashes.

The king and queen had no idea what was taking place outside the royal palace. They had no idea that every providence was lamenting over their mandated annihilation of their ethnicity.  There was GREAT MOURNING among the JEWS.  They were FASTING, WEEPING, and WAILING...many lay in SACKCLOTH and ASHES.

Joel 2:12-13 (AMP)

“Even now,” says the Lord, “Turn and come to Me with all your heart [in genuine repentance],
With fasting and weeping and mourning [until every barrier is removed and the broken fellowship is restored];  ¹³ Rip your heart to pieces [in sorrow and contrition] and not your garments.” Now return [in repentance] to the Lord your God, For He is gracious and compassionate, Slow to anger, abounding in lovingkindness [faithful to His covenant with His people]; And He relents [His sentence of] evil [when His people genuinely repent].

Wonder why people in mourning were not allowed to enter through the king's gate?  Can you imagine the sound of wailing outside of the king's gates?  I'm sure Haman plotted to keep the lamenting out of the king's hearing.  Still oblivious to the decree of death against her people, it wasn't until her servants alerted her and informed her of what was taking place outside of the king's gates.

Esther 4:4-5

⁴ When Esther’s eunuchs and female attendants came and told her about Mordecai, she was in great distress (extreme anxiety, sorrow, or pain). She sent clothes for him to put on instead of his sackcloth, but he would not accept them. ⁵ Then Esther summoned Hathak, one of the king’s eunuchs assigned to attend her, and ordered him to find out what was troubling Mordecai and why.

She wanted to speak with her uncle face to face, so she sent him clothing to change into from the sackcloth.  He refused.  Mordecai told Hathak to instruct Esther to go into the king’s presence to beg for mercy and plead with him for her people.

After Hathak reported Mordecai's message to Esther, "¹⁰ she instructed him to say to Mordecai, ¹¹ “All the king’s officials and the people of the royal provinces know that for any man or woman who approaches the king in the inner court without being summoned the king has but one law: that they be put to death unless the king extends the gold scepter to them and spares their lives. But thirty days have passed since I was called to go to the king.”

Esther didn't realize the gravity of the situation outside of the palace walls.  All she could think of was the law that said if she went to the king without being summoned, she could die.  She was walking by factual facts.  She had seen what happened to the previous queen.  She was dethroned for not obeying the king.  Esther was fearful for her well-being.  She didn't want to die.  It was over a month since she had spoken with the king. 

Esther 4:12-14

¹² When Esther’s words were reported to Mordecai, ¹³ he sent back this answer: “Do not think that because you are in the king’s house you alone of all the Jews will escape. ¹⁴ For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?”

Mordecai had to explain the calamity of the moment.  Listen, Esther...The Jews are fasting, lamenting, wailing, weeping; crying out to God...Deliverance IS going to arise for the Jews. If you don't help now, it will come from another source.  But, don't think for one moment you and your father's family will be spared.  Don't think because you're in the king's house living as his queen, you're exempt from this DECREE of DEATH!  You, my daughter, ARE a Jew!  This is your moment to BE brave and be the ONE that God may use to bring DELIVERANCE to your people!  Haven't you ever stopped and thought that maybe, just maybe; that is the VERY reason you have come to your ROYAL POSITION?  For this time!  For this purpose!  For this moment!  For such as time as this?

Esther 4:15-16

¹⁵ Then Esther sent this reply to Mordecai: ¹⁶ “Go, gather together all the Jews who are in Susa, and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my attendants will fast as you do. When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish.”

Esther realized that she needed to become FIERCE in this moment.  She began to arise in the moment of DESTINY. I don't know if she understood that most of the providences were already praying and fasting...but she commanded her uncle to gather all the Jews in Susa to FAST for HER!  She had a purpose of this fast...It was to be able to go before the king and receive his favor to hear her request.  She stared her fear right in the face and said, "If I die...then I die!"  She decided that this truly was a crisis.  The only way there would be a potential turn around was to turn, fast, pray, seek, cry, ask....for three days, no food or water.  She was going radical.  Her, her attendants, Mordecai and all the Jews of Susa.  That was a corporate, full fast.  The purpose:  To seek favor from the King. To live and not die.

See, we have to get to a place of desperation!  How much do we want God to intervene in our lives?   How much are we willing to sacrifice to show God that we mean business?  What is three days of not eating or drinking in the light of eternity?  I was at that point in my life that I had become that desperate.  I had decided, that I too, was going to turn, fast, weep, mourn, and cry out to God for five days.  I did drink water and juice.  Holy Spirit will speak to your heart as to what you are to fast and the length you are to fast.  For me, I modeled Esther, with the exception of drinking water and juice, and adding two more days to my fast. My purpose was for breakthrough in my family.  I did the five-day fast with ease.  God had blessed me with such grace.  On the fifth day, I experienced a breakthrough.  A miracle had taken place and what had been decreed over me had been reversed.  The words spoken were null and void and God truly answered my prayers.

However, I had been in such emotional distress.  My physical body was never meant to carry burdens the way I had been carrying them in the form of stress. So even though I fasted with a purpose and the decree was reversed, my physical body couldn't carry anymore stress and began breaking down.  It started with a continual migraine that would not go away.  I couldn't stand anything loud or bright.  I sat in my bed for three days crying.  Tylenol, Advil, cold-presses, warm-washcloths on my forehead: nothing worked.  I felt like my head was going to explode. I had resolved that I was experiencing a brain aneurism. 

The emotional turmoil that I was living in was too much.  I actually welcomed death.  I felt a very strong need to write each of my children a farewell letter.  I truly had never experienced pain like this.  Of course, I kept thinking I shouldn't have fasted those five days.  I must have depleted something and caused this.  Anytime you do something spiritual, you will face spiritual resistance.  The spiritual resistance was not only assaulting my body, but my mind as well...

My eye began swelling and tearing up continually.  I'm gonna share pictures with you.  I will tell you now, if you get grossed out easily, you can stop reading this blog and know that God is faithful and is healer.  Because of my eye swelling shut and the tears wouldn't stop flowing, I went to the ER to see what the problem was.  When I got to the ER, they looked at my eye and diagnosed me with Pink Eye.  I came home and the drops they gave me didn't seem to be working. If you look at the corner of my right eye, you will notice a bump.  That bump on the corner of my eye would NOT be pink eye.  I knew they diagnosed me wrongly.  The next day, I became a little more concerned.

I couldn't even open my eye and more bumps began to develop at the corner of my eye and at the tip of my nose.  My eye continually watered and I was growing more concerned, KNOWING the ER had misdiagnosed me.

We had a friend who was an eye doctor, it seemed logical that since my eye was swelled shut, that I should give him a personal call and ask his advice.  As soon as I told him, he said to meet him at the office.  My sister was very concerned for me and since I only had one eye, she immediately drove me to the doctor's office.  As soon as he looked at me, he said, "You have Herpes Zoster."  I said, "I have what?"  He said, "It's Shingles."  He gave me a steroid eye drop.  He told me I needed to get into my MD immediately. Thankfully, she was able to see me and wrote a script for an anti-viral.  I was thinking, this is good.  Yay, they diagnosed me and now this horrible thing is gonna be healed.  O boy, was I wrong!  The pain was unbearable! Nothing over the counter would stop the pulsating migraine at the top of my head.  Noise, light, any distraction, caused the pain to heighten.  So, of course, I was given a script for a narcotic.  Day two into the anti-viral, narcotic, and steroid eye-drops, I began looking like this:

It began getting disgusting.  This was my face.  My face and my eye were under attack. It was my right eye.  I had oozing sores. I was a mess.  My kids couldn't even stand to look at me.  My closest friend was my dog, Twix, who wouldn't leave my side.  I had just gotten off of a five-day breakthrough fast and here I am a mess. I couldn't help but think, maybe if I shouldn't have fasted.  I believe now, I could have lost my eyesight in my right eye, if I HADN'T been fasting for breakthrough in my life. The pain felt like a fiery arrow from hell targeted right at my head.  I laid in my chair for a week...in pain.  Thank goodness for my sister and another close family friend.  They both helped with my kids and brought me dinner. I really couldn't eat.  I drank a lot of fruit smoothies.  My sister was my lifeline through this ordeal...I'm so thankful for her.

As the anti-viral began kicking in, the shingles became more apparent on the nerve line they were attacking. From the tip of my nose up through my hairline and my right eye.  After about a week, I began to be able to open my eye.  God preserved my eyesight.

This was a life lesson for me.  Never let someone else's guilt, shame, condemnation, accusation; beat you down so far that you lose yourself.  God is a God of Peace; not of accusation, blame, bitterness, anger, unforgiveness, etc...He never meant us to carry those toxic things inside of our hearts, minds, souls, spirits.  This is what I looked on the outside, my insides were so much worse.  I was guilty and wasn't shown mercy.  I was accused and not acquitted.  I was condemned and not forgiven.  I was rejected and not received in mercy or grace. This is a continual picture to remind me that what we reap, we sow.  We cannot outgive God...So even though, I was so broken and bruised, God accepted me.  He forgave me.  He loved me...He received me.  He acquitted me.  He loved me.  He was my Prince of Peace in the midst of this chaotic vortex of emotions. 

As I started feeling better, I began making my way out of the darkened world that held me hostage.  I would just sit outside and cry...just so thankful that 'I once was blind, but now I see.'  God walked with me with healing in his wings.  I was so grateful that the migraines had finally subsided and I wasn't loopy and spaced out on narcotics anymore.   When I would go out shopping, I would run into people I knew and they 'd ask me if I was in a car accident.  The shingles scarred my entire nose, eyelid and forehead.  I lost eyelashes on my bottom eyelid that have never grown back.  I was told by my friend shortly after, 'honey, they never will grow back.'  I am continually reminded of this moment in my life when I was hit hard with a fiery arrow from hell. 

It was later I was reading a book called, "Dancing with Destiny" by Jill Austin where she said she had shingles in her right eye.  The enemy targeted my prophetic gifting.  He wanted to take me out.  He hit hard and it was a devastating blow.  God's love was stronger.  God's love covered me and strengthened me through this fiery trial.  I know that the five-day fast I had been on prior to this horrible experience protected me more than I will ever know or understand on this side of heaven.  Even after all the scabs fell off and my missing eyelashes laid bare; the virus would NOT let go of my body easily.  I had to take the anti-viral for three months.  That's not typical.  Usually, one dose of the anti-viral takes the virus back into dormancy. 

The second month into Shingles, I went back to my MD with the fuzzy feeling in my eye.  She put me on another dose of the anti-viral and ordered a complete set of blood tests. She said this was out of the normal for the Shingles virus not to go into dormancy.  All the fears that crept into my head of what could be wrong.  It was more torment.  The enemy tried to wear me out. 

Then I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying, "Now the salvation, and the power, and the kingdom of our God and the authority of His Christ have come, for the accuser of our brethren has been thrown down, he who accuses them before our God day and night. Revelation 12:10

The third month into this episode I began feeling the fuzzy weird feeling in my eye again, it was on a Friday night when both of my doctors offices were closed.  I went to a wellness clinic and the technician pretty much yelled at me. She said, "You need to get to an ER right away, you don't mess with shingles in your eye, you could lose your eyesight."  Meanwhile, HELLO!!!!  Her words put enough fear into me that I went downtown to an ER.  Immediately, they rushed me into an infectious disease room away from other patients. Wow, this was much different than my first visit to the ER with the onset of this virus.  Another dose of anti-viral AGAIN!

And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.   Revelation 12:11

The blood of the lamb and the word of my testimony.  Finally, I overcame this battle.  I came out with battle wounds for sure!  God's love covers ALL!  When the Lord tells you to fast, FAST!  He wants to prepare us today for the battles that we face tomorrow.  During this time, I spent a lot of time praying, wailing, and seeking.  He set me apart.  He dealt with my heart.  Forgiveness, love, gentleness, meekness, kindness, patience, self-control, faithfulness; these seeds were sown and are now being harvested in my life.  He's a good, good father.  O, how I love Jesus, the Glory and the lifter of my head!  The healer of Shingles and the One who has anointed me to share the good news!