Good Things Come to those Who Wait

Arise and Shine for the Glory of the Lord has risen among us.  (Isaiah 60:1)

The other day I went outside and I took notice of something.  There was change in the crispy cool morning air.  Leaves collecting upon the dew-kissed grass and turning brown.  At night, the screeching cries of the cicadas signal me change has occurred.  The last time I heard that sound filling my ears, my youngest son was a baby.  He was just starting to walk and one landed on the side of his head.  My kids screamed in terror as he walked with a huge smile on his face, like "what?" As the cicada piggybacked his head.  He is 15 years old now.  The buzz in the night air reminds me that time has flown by and one cycle has ended and another begins. 

I heard the Lord tell me through the mouth of a friend and Holy Spirit twice within a day, "Good things come to those who wait."  What have you been waiting for?  What have you been hoping for?  What have you been standing fast for?  What have you been praying, believing, crying out for?  I believe as we are upon summer turning into fall, we are in a "due" season.

As the announcement of pregnancy indicates 'waiting'; when it's 'due' season...there's discomfort, agitation, anticipation, excitement, and relief.  I believe many of us are in a 'due' season.  It's a 'now is the time' season.  The Lord tells us not to give up when we are doing good, for in due season....We shall REAP....IF...if what?  We do not faint...or grow weary...or give up! (Galatians 6:9)

When a women in waiting finally has reached her due season, the baby will be the reward of all her suffering...  The baby will be her gift of waiting and laboring for the past season she is now ending and the new season she is entering.  Every season is different.  Every season brings change. Every season will test our character, strength, patience, and endurance.  Some seasons are dark and cold.  Some seasons are sunny, bright and warm.  Some seasons sprout with new life and abundance.  Some seasons usher forth harvest and crisp, fresh ways and days.  God has given us the gift of seasons that change.  Could you imagine the same old, same old?  I personally, would get very bored.  Each new season, brings new challenges, joys, dreams, hopes, excitements, and trials.  It's in each new season, that we grow, whether we realize it or not. 

There is a time and a season for everything under the sun!  That is why it's so crucial not to compare your season with someone else's season.  We are all in different seasons.  How you react during your season is a part of your testing and growth.  Waiting is so hard, especially for the impatient or child-like.  If you're a dreamer, all that you can do while waiting is dream of what will be or how it will be or when it will be. If you're a planner and goal-oriented person, then you have difficulty in the waiting, as well, because it's out of your control.  You have to trust God for one season to end in order for the other to begin.  As I heard Holy Spirit speak to me while I was sleeping, 'Good things come to those who wait', I heard the John Waller song, 'While I'm waiting.' in my spirit.  It was the theme song of the movie 'Fireproof.'

So in the waiting, our focus needs to be on the one who holds our days in his hands.  Our heart needs to be steadfast in the fact that our GOD is good.  His desire is to give us hope and a future.  We may plan our lives out, but he directs our steps (Proverbs 16:9).  He has planned the abundant life for us.  We need to remain in the truth of who God is while we are waiting. 

As the seasons change from one to another in your life, may you be kept in perfect peace as you continually declare the works of God's goodness and faithfulness in your life.  Keep your mind on Him.  Trust HIM for all that is good and perfect to flow in and through you as you are transformed from glory to glory.
 
In the waiting of seasons to change, think about all the seeds you have planted in each season along the way.  As a woman in waiting, so it is with planting seeds into the earth's soil.  There is a waiting time...But after the waiting is over, life begins to spring forth and fruit is produced!  It's harvest time of all those seeds planted in the planting seasons of your life!

The other day the Lord gave me a thought to ponder.  I have read books where some chapters are VERY long and VERY detailed and mid-way through the chapter, you basically get the point and your over the topic and ready to move onto the next chapter.  Me needing to complete what I begin, forces myself to finish that chapter.  I know what the point is. I'm tired and falling asleep and so ready to turn the page to a fresh new exciting chapter.  However, I know the "right thing to do" is to finish the chapter, regardless, of how I feel.  Sometimes, we are so ready to move on, the right thing of following through is to finish WELL.  Finish that chapter in your life's story, whether or not you are SO over it!  It's in the waiting of finishing well, that the exhilarating new chapter will come.  That next chapter is a brand new start, a new beginning, a new season....After the waiting, good things come!

Another very important thing about starting a new chapter, is not continually rereading the last chapter.  You have to turn the pages forward each day and let go of the former pages in order to complete that chapter to move on to the next!

What God has begun  in you and through you, He will complete!  It will be good!  He is faithful!  He believes in us even when we do not believe in ourselves.  He is always with us even when we feel we are all alone.  He is the writer of our story and we are the instruments in His hands.  Trust Him in the waiting.  Worship Him in the waiting.  Thank Him in the waiting.  Good things truly do come to those who wait!

So let's rest in the fact that the chapter we are currently in right now, will be completed.  The season that we are in now, will eventually end.  God will direct and guide us each step of the way if we keep our focus and eyes on the prize.  What is the prize?  Our purpose.  Our destiny.  The race set out before us. 

Father,
We choose to trust you!  We will run and not grow weary.  We will hope in the fact that you are faithful to complete this chapter that we are in; no matter how long and poignant it may seem to be.  We thank you for knowing us before you placed us in our mother's womb.  We thank you that you called us and knew us before we were even conceived.  May we align our will to yours, Lord.  May we completely surrender and abandon our sinful ways and walk in righteousness and holiness and may we keep our eyes on the prize.  May we hear the cheers from heaven saying, 'Run...you can do it!   It will be so worth it!  Don't give up!  Keep running!  Keep believing!  Keep trusting!"  May we reap the harvest that is coming in our DUE seasons!  May the fruit be plentiful and tasty.  O God, you are good!  You're never gonna let us go!  You are a good, good Father!  Help us endure!  Help us in our weaknesses.  You are surely our strength and our mighty fortress!  We love you, Lord!

Day 21 of 21 - Spiritual Disconnect

Arise and Shine for the Glory of the Lord has risen among you.  Isaiah 60:1

There's been a DISCONNECT in the body.  It's like when you're having a conversation with someone on the phone and then you SUDDENLY get 'DISCONNECTED'...and SILENCE.

Communication STOPS.  The flow of conversation is severed.  Disappointment sets in if you were in the middle of a story and you don' know how much the listener heard.  The thought of repeating yourself from the beginning makes you want to stay silent.  The flow of the passion of the conversation has been halted.

Let's review...on the phone, when you are disconnected:

1.  Silence
2.  Communication Stopped
3.  Conversation Halted
4.  Disappointment sets in
5.  Flow of passionate storytelling ceases

What does it look like if your cable is disconnected?  Your Wi-Fi disconnects?  Your power is disconnected?  No power source.  When you get disconnected from source of power, you are left empty-handed on the other side of the power source.

What if you're trying to get ahold of someone and their phone has been DISCONNECTED?

Let's look up the word DIS - CONNECT -break the connection of or between: a discrepancy or lack of connection.   to separate (something) from something else : to break a connection between two or more things; to terminate a connection.   to stop or end the supply of (electricity, water, gas, etc.); to become detached or withdrawn

SYNONYMS

1. detach ·
2. disengage ·
3. uncouple ·
4. decouple ·
5. unhook ·
6. unhitch ·
7. undo ·
8. unfasten ·
9. unyoke ·
10. separate ·
11. cut off ·
12. divorce ·
13. sever ·
14. isolate ·
15. divide ·
16. part ·
17. disengage ·
18. dissociate ·
19. disassociate ·
20. remove

I began looking up Spiritual Disconnect and I stumbled across this blog:  http://www.astoundingelements.com/spiritual-disconnect.html

"When people become spiritually disconnected this is the type of behavior one can expect. Jealousy and lack of self-confidence has almost certainly played a large role in their childhood. This type of behavior, being of a negative value, produces a “me first” thought pattern. The views manifest themselves on the external and play a large role in the values of the individuals that harbor them. In other words the reason they are asking the questions is they truly have never felt secure in their own lives. Something is missing and although they appear happy whenever you are around, their comments tell you otherwise.

The bottom line is spiritually disconnected people are not happy. If you are able to bring them up to a level of happiness without lowering yourself into their thought pattern, then you can really have a positive effect on their lives. However be careful, the energy can literally leave you exhausted, as charging their vitality may be at the cost of depleting yours."

What Can Cause You to feel Spiritually Disconnected
1) Drug use or alcohol abuse or any ADDICTIONS
2) Excessive stress or anger
3) Negative people
4) Consistently ignoring your intuition
5) Poor diet such as excessive sugar, caffeine, processed foods or not enough quality protein
6) Lack of sleep, exercise, or meditation
7) Lack of enjoyment or fun
8) Dabbling in black magic, witchcraft, occultic practices
9) Spirit attachment or possession

There are a lot of different venues teaching on 'Spiritual Disconnect' including new age, medical, religious, etc...I know I heard the Lord tell me during prayer that there is a Spiritual Disconnect with the body of Christ. 

The link below is from a medical perspective.  They title it, "Spirit Disconnect."
http://drprincetta.com/spirit-disconnectneurotransmitters/

~Mental illness is epidemic in today’s society.  There are numerous forms/formats of mental illness and they can manifest in many ways. We suffer from Bi-Polar Disease (formerly Schizophrenia), Depression, Disillusion, Nervousness, Anxiety, ADD, ADHD, Hyperactivity, Anger, etc.

Many of us show signs of any of the above without necessarily having a full fledged diagnosable case of it.  Half of our society has lost the ability to sleep well and as such are not rejuvenating their circuitry which is done during the sleep cycle.

Many of these issues are genetic; some may be caused by childhood vaccinations; others may be caused by factors occurring while in the womb.

Alcohol, Marijuana, Psychotropic Drugs (Prozac, Paxil, Cymbalta, Zoloft etc.), Oxycotin/Vicodin dependency etc. are literally taking our spirit away creating a new phenomena called “Spirit Disconnect”. In certain metaphysical circles, Alzheimer Disease is felt to be caused by a disconnection between the spiritual and mental bodies.

As I began reading these different things in regards to the body being Disconnected.  I began to ask the Lord to give me an example in the Bible of what he was trying to tell me about this word.  I need to emphasis many of the mental illness terms were familiar to me because of my mother's various diagnoses. She was Bi-Polar (Schizophrenic), Manic Depressive, she had nervousness and anxiety and when she couldn't sleep for days leading into weeks, things went bad for us all...They went bad fast.  The doctors had her on all types of meds.  She was 'normal', took a fall down a flight of steps, cracked her skull and became 'chemically imbalanced.'  That is when the doctors experimented with their legal psychotic drugs on her.  It was so horrible growing up and watching this woman live a life in prison because of legal drugs.  As a child of a chemically imbalanced person, I saw nothing good from the drugs.  She continually became unbalanced and was in the mental hospital more than she was at home. 

She was definitely disconnected to life, mothering, happiness, emotions; basically, exactly, what is highlighted above.  The legal drugs "literally took her spirit away."  Her suicide note explained it all.  She needed set free...She needed a miracle.  In her breakdowns, she would cry out to Jesus.  She became all churchy and religious.  She knew that Jesus could set her free.  She never found a person so full of Jesus that the demons let her loose.  She took us to many different churches.  One time, we went to a church and she got slain in the spirit.  I don't remember if I was scared, happy, or freaked out.  I was about six or seven.  I remember seeing her pass out backwards.  She was rolling on the floor screaming.  No one came to explain to me what was happening.  I think I went and hid under a pew and watched from there.  She wanted free.  No one walked in that kind of power and might to help her. 

My mandate is to be that person who helps others GET set free, delivered and healed.   I'm not even close to walking in the fullness of this yet.  But I know, ONE day, I will.  God has given me the authority and anointing!  When we gain an understanding and revelation of WHO we are in Christ and WHO HE is in us, there will be this type of release...'GREATER THAN!'  I can't stand by and 'deny the power, thereof.'

Matthew 10:1, 8 -  And he called to him his twelve disciples and gave them authority over unclean spirits, to cast them out, and to heal every disease and every affliction.  ⁸ Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse lepers,^[c] cast out demons.

For people who want to be so quick to judge a demon-possessed person's life, let me tell you.  I saw it front and center...It's a life of continual torment. There is no escape.  My mom would cry and cry.  She wanted set free!  She went looking for places that offered deliverance; to no avail!

When she had her breakdowns, she went to every church in our driving radius.  They all had a form of godliness, but denied the power, thereof...

2 Timothy 3:4-9 4treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these. 6For among them are those who enter into households and captivate weak women weighed down with sins, led on by various impulses, 7always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth,  8Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so these men also oppose the truth, men of depraved mind, rejected in regard to the faith.  9But they will not make further progress; for their folly will be obvious to all, just as Jannes's and Jambres's folly was also.

My mother and father both committed suicide.  They both needed set free.  They had so many demons lying to them and telling them everything they weren't and not enough people telling them WHOSE they were and WHO they were! 

When the Lord took me to the passage of scripture that explained a SPIRITUALLY disconnected person, I cried.   It's a sad story.  Just like my parent's lives...They both had such sad stories; with sad endings.

Judas was one of Jesus's disciples.  He broke bread with Jesus.  He was Spiritually connected to Jesus for a time. 

And when morning came, he called his disciples and chose from them twelve, whom he named apostles: ¹⁶ and Judas the son of James, and Judas Iscariot, who became a traitor.  So two men named Judas were chosen.  Judas, the son of James and Judas Iscariot, who became a traitor.  Luke 6:13, 16

Judas Iscariot was with Jesus.  Jesus taught him just like he taught the other 11 disciples.  He wasn't Spiritually Disconnected until Luke 22:3 -³ Then Satan entered into Judas called Iscariot, who was of the number of the twelve."

That is the moment that he became Spiritually Disconnected.  In the beginning of Luke 22, the plot began during the Passover to kill Jesus.  After Satan entered Judas Iscariot he was DISCONNECTED...

He could hear a voice and as he became disconnected to Jesus and the 11 other disciples, he heard a deceiving voice loud and clear.

⁴ He went away and conferred with the chief priests and officers how he might betray him to them. ⁵ And they were glad, and agreed to give him money. ⁶ So he consented and sought an opportunity to betray him to them in the absence of a crowd.  (Luke 22:4-6)

I cannot imagine how disconnected Judas Iscariot had to have been to sit at a feast with Jesus and the others and KNOW he was no longer connected to them.  He went there fully knowing he would be a part of the evil betrayal of the Son of God.  Jesus knew it as well.

²¹ But behold, the hand of him who betrays me is with me on the table. ²² For the Son of Man goes as it has been determined, but woe to that man by whom he is betrayed!” (Luke 22:21-22)

Jesus also KNEW in that moment that another of his disciples were feeling spiritually disconnected to him...

³¹ “Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, ³² but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.” ³³ Peter said to him, “Lord, I am ready to go with you both to prison and to death.” ³⁴ Jesus said, “I tell you, Peter, the rooster will not crow this day, until you deny three times that you know me.” (Luke 22:31-34)

DISCONNECT---unfastened.  unyoked.  removed.  isolated.  cut off.  divided.  severed.  divorced.

Let's go back to Judas. When Satan entered him, he betrayed Jesus.  He went as far as betraying Jesus with a kiss. 

Luke 22:47-50 - 47While He was still speaking, behold, a crowd came, and the one called Judas, one of the twelve, was preceding them; and he approached Jesus to kiss Him. 48But Jesus said to him, “Judas, are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?” 49When those who were around Him saw what was going to happen, they said, “Lord, shall we strike with the sword?” 50And one of them struck the slave of the high priest and cut off his right ear. 51But Jesus answered and said, “Stop! No more of this.” And He touched his ear and healed him. 52Then Jesus said to the chief priests and officers of the temple and elders who had come against Him, “Have you come out with swords and clubs as you would against a robber? 53“While I was with you daily in the temple, you did not lay hands on Me; but this hour and the power of darkness are yours.”

There is a whole lot of Spiritual Disconnect in these several verses.  First, Judas approaches Jesus to kiss him.  Jesus KNEW he was approaching him with an Unholy kiss.  He asked him, Judas why are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?  Then Peter disassociates himself with the thought of EVER betraying Jesus by cutting off the high priest's ear.  Jesus spoke to the Disconnection by saying, "STOP, no more of this!"  Healing the earless man and making him whole.

With Spiritual Disconnection, you are in a dark cloud.   It's like a smoke machine.  The atmosphere fills with darkness and evil...literally 'taking over/away the spirit of man.'  After Jesus was arrested, Peter began to separate himself from the other disciples, in fact, denying Jesus when accused that he was connected to him.

Matthew 27:3-5 -Now when Judas, who had betrayed him, saw that Jesus had been condemned, he regretted what he had done and returned the thirty silver coins to the chief priests and the elders, He said, "I've sinned by betraying an innocent man." They replied, "What do we care? That's your problem." Then Judas threw the silver coins down in the Temple and went out and hanged himself.

This spiritually disconnected man...regretted betraying an innocent man for money.  He came to try and make it right telling the chief priests and elders that he had lied.  The leader's response offered no forgiveness or grace.  They basically said.  "Not our problem, Judas.  We used you to get what we wanted...you deal with it!" 

When a spiritually disconnected person doesn't receive forgiveness, grace, mercy; they lose control of their spirit...A stronger man comes in through the opposite of the Fruits of the Spirit...Forgiveness, Bitterness, Hatred...A lot of the times, unforgiveness of self-actions can cause the most harm.  It seems to be the case with Judas.  He received nothing from the chief priests and elders.  The stronger man inside of him threw a pity party.  Judas couldn't forgive himself either.  When Jesus said, "woe to the man who betrays me." It means, a curse, a judgement.  That judgment was Judas, the one in which you betrayed is the only one who can extend the type of forgiveness and grace you need in this hour.  He tried to turn away from mammon by throwing the 30 shekels back at the ones who gave it to him, but the darkness and evil was much greater within Judas's heart...(Matthew 12:44) The darkness overtook Judas and he committed suicide.  Let me tell you, my mother always went to the religious leaders trying to seek forgiveness.  She WAS spiritually disconnected.  She couldn't get that dark cloud to go away.  Judas couldn't get that dark cloud of remorse and regret to depart...He hung himself.  He could find no relief in the darkness of his soul.

Now when Peter disconnected himself to Jesus...There was a much different outcome.  He openly wept BITTERLY.

Matthew 26:73-75 -After a little while, those standing nearby came up to Peter. "Surely you are one of them," they said, "for your accent gives you away." Then he began to curse and to swear, "I do not know the man!" And immediately a rooster crowed.  and Peter remembered the words Jesus had spoken, "Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times." And he went outside and wept bitterly.

Judas had a heart of greed.  He served Mammon the moment he betrayed an innocent man for 30 pieces of silver.  We cannot serve two masters. 

Matthew 6:23-24 -23"But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light that is in you is darkness, how great is the darkness! 24"No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth.

Peter was afraid for his life.  He wasn't selling Jesus out for money or wealth.  He disconnected out of fear.  Jesus KNEW Peter would be sifted like wheat.  He had already prayed for this moment of time. Jesus specifically prayed that Peter's faith would not fail him in the time of his sifting.  It was his heart of repentance that kept him from having the same outcome as Judas.  Peter knew what he had to do after this moment...He had to go strengthen his brothers!

My mother and father both committed suicide.  When I look at this scenario unfold...I see a weak coward...JUDAS...He was so inwardly focused.  He had isolated himself so much that no one could reach him.  He was known as the traitor.  He was known as the betrayer.  Jesus saw his heart...He knew which master he had chosen to serve.  Judas had divorced himself from Jesus and the intercession for turn around and grace.  In Luke 22:22, Jesus said, "But WOE to the one who betrays me." When Jesus looked upon Judas's heart, he KNEW he went to a place of no return!  Peter, on the other hand, rebelled, but quickly returned. 

See, I believe that when we fast, pray, intercede and get before the Father.  He will show us how to pray, what to pray, who to pray for.  We cannot come up against someone's free will.  If they chose to spiritually disconnect and stay inwardly focused, we have to trust the Lord's will be done.  Judas fooled himself to the point that he KNEW who he was bowing down to, yet he wanted it to look 'good' by greeting Jesus with a 'holy kiss.' 

We need discernment in this day and age like never before.  We need to be on our faces crying out and interceding for those who are spiritually disconnected from us.  The Father will reveal his heart to us and we will know how to pray...There is a great divide happening right now in the body of Christ.

We are either for Christ or against him.  There is no middle ground.  Sheep vs. goats. Holy vs. unholy.  vile vs. pure.  wheat vs. tares. 

The person who isn't with me is against me, and the person who isn't gathering with me is scattering. Matthew 12:30

We cannot let the enemy of our souls sift us like wheat and we give up.  We have to turn, repent, weep bitterly and receive God's scandalous grace by strengthening our brothers and sisters in Christ. This life of ours is simply NOT ABOUT US!  Spiritual Disconnection makes everything about US.  We need to pray and decree the opposite into the body:  Father, spiritually CONNECT your bride. Gather your remnant TOGETHER in a spirit of Unity with one Heart, one mind, one spirit.  All flowing together the same direction for the same purpose...exalting the name of Jesus so all men will be drawn near!  Tell the GOOD NEWS that Jesus ransomed us from the grave and bled and died for our redemption...Believe and receive! 

Matthew 25:31-46 (NIV) -³¹ “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. ³² All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. ³³ He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.  <sup>3

4</sup> “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. ³⁵ For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, ³⁶ I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’  ³⁷ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? ³⁸ When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? ³⁹ When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

⁴⁰ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ ⁴¹ “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. ⁴² For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, ⁴³ I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

⁴⁴ “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’ ⁴⁵ “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’ ⁴⁶ “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

When my mother spiritually disconnected and committed suicide, it was very hard emotionally grieving her death.  I was angry at her.  I was angry at the enemy.  I had a lot of anger.  It was a life wrongfully taken.  She never had a life of her own.  Ever since I knew her, she was a broken woman.  My father committed suicide 15 years later.  I had a whole new onslaught of emotions attached with his death.  I never got to tell either of them goodbye.  Of course, I wrote a song for both when they died.  The one that I'm attaching in this blog is the one I wrote for my dad.  I finally got to tell him everything I never got to say to him while he was alive.  He had disconnected his life from mine 10 years prior his death.  He chose to isolate himself from me.  He chose to disassociate himself from me.  All I ever wanted was my daddy's love.  It was something he just couldn't give to me.  He was spiritually disconnected.  I'm so thankful for my Abba Pappa.  I know my father loves me.  I know he is with me...He will never leave me nor forsake me and continually strengthens me.  Thank you, Lord!

https://youtu.be/iStQnFF-mys

Day 18 of 21 of the Daniel Fast -The song of the prodigal

"Watching the pigs eat, better than I do."  Sometimes, when we are surrounded by dirt, dust, muck, mire and clay...We get a realization, that I didn't have it so bad when 'SAFE' People LOVED me.  Father, Son, Holy Spirit are SAFE...We are LOVED with an EVERLASTING LOVE.  We are promised; NOTHING can separate us from the love of Christ in Romans 8.

Day 17 of 21 -Five-Day Fast-SHINGLES

Arise and Shine for the Glory of the Lord has risen among you.  Isaiah 60:1

I was going through a very dark spiritual time in my life.  It was an onset of darkness that I had not been physically prepared for.  I was truly a Warrior Princess Bride at that time.  I was battling mentally and spiritually my own thoughts and actions.  I needed breakthrough.  I needed a miracle!  I needed divine intervention.  Around that time, I began taking note of all the double, triple, multiple numbers I kept seeing on the clocks, on billboards and advertisements.  I knew the Lord was using 'signs to make me wonder.' 

I began looking up double and triple number scripture references.  The Lord began speaking to me through these various multiple numbers.  In doing this,  I felt if I wanted him to move on my behalf, I needed to fast for breakthrough.  I was led to do a five-day fast.  Esther and her people, the Jewish people, needed a miracle.  A decree of death was issued for them all.  They were facing a crisis and needed a miraculous breakthrough.

Let's read Esther 3:8-11, 13, 15

“There is a certain people dispersed among the peoples in all the provinces of your kingdom who keep themselves separate. Their customs are different from those of all other people, and they do not obey the king’s laws; it is not in the king’s best interest to tolerate them. ⁹ If it pleases the king, let a decree be issued to destroy them, and I will give ten thousand talents of silver to the king’s administrators for the royal treasury.”  ¹⁰ So the king took his signet ring from his finger and gave it to Haman son of Hammedatha, the Agagite, the enemy of the Jews.  ¹¹ “Keep the money,” the king said to Haman, “and do with the people as you please.”  ¹³ Dispatches were sent by couriers to all the king’s provinces with the order to destroy, kill and annihilate all the Jews—young and old, women and children and to plunder their goods.  The king and Haman sat down to drink, but the city of Susa was bewildered.

Here we have an evil plot taking place.  The king blindly agrees to this evil demise of the Jews both young and old by giving his signet ring to Haman.  This decree left the city of Susa BEWILDERED!

Have you ever been bewildered (perplexed, confused?)  This news headline would certainly cause a reaction inside the deepest part of your being!

Esther 4:1-3

When Mordecai learned of all that had been done, he tore his clothes, put on sackcloth and ashes, and went out into the city, wailing loudly and bitterly. ² But he went only as far as the king’s gate, because no one clothed in sackcloth was allowed to enter it.  ³ In every province to which the edict and order of the king came, there was great mourning among the Jews, with fasting, weeping and wailing. Many lay in sackcloth and ashes.

The king and queen had no idea what was taking place outside the royal palace. They had no idea that every providence was lamenting over their mandated annihilation of their ethnicity.  There was GREAT MOURNING among the JEWS.  They were FASTING, WEEPING, and WAILING...many lay in SACKCLOTH and ASHES.

Joel 2:12-13 (AMP)

“Even now,” says the Lord, “Turn and come to Me with all your heart [in genuine repentance],
With fasting and weeping and mourning [until every barrier is removed and the broken fellowship is restored];  ¹³ Rip your heart to pieces [in sorrow and contrition] and not your garments.” Now return [in repentance] to the Lord your God, For He is gracious and compassionate, Slow to anger, abounding in lovingkindness [faithful to His covenant with His people]; And He relents [His sentence of] evil [when His people genuinely repent].

Wonder why people in mourning were not allowed to enter through the king's gate?  Can you imagine the sound of wailing outside of the king's gates?  I'm sure Haman plotted to keep the lamenting out of the king's hearing.  Still oblivious to the decree of death against her people, it wasn't until her servants alerted her and informed her of what was taking place outside of the king's gates.

Esther 4:4-5

⁴ When Esther’s eunuchs and female attendants came and told her about Mordecai, she was in great distress (extreme anxiety, sorrow, or pain). She sent clothes for him to put on instead of his sackcloth, but he would not accept them. ⁵ Then Esther summoned Hathak, one of the king’s eunuchs assigned to attend her, and ordered him to find out what was troubling Mordecai and why.

She wanted to speak with her uncle face to face, so she sent him clothing to change into from the sackcloth.  He refused.  Mordecai told Hathak to instruct Esther to go into the king’s presence to beg for mercy and plead with him for her people.

After Hathak reported Mordecai's message to Esther, "¹⁰ she instructed him to say to Mordecai, ¹¹ “All the king’s officials and the people of the royal provinces know that for any man or woman who approaches the king in the inner court without being summoned the king has but one law: that they be put to death unless the king extends the gold scepter to them and spares their lives. But thirty days have passed since I was called to go to the king.”

Esther didn't realize the gravity of the situation outside of the palace walls.  All she could think of was the law that said if she went to the king without being summoned, she could die.  She was walking by factual facts.  She had seen what happened to the previous queen.  She was dethroned for not obeying the king.  Esther was fearful for her well-being.  She didn't want to die.  It was over a month since she had spoken with the king. 

Esther 4:12-14

¹² When Esther’s words were reported to Mordecai, ¹³ he sent back this answer: “Do not think that because you are in the king’s house you alone of all the Jews will escape. ¹⁴ For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?”

Mordecai had to explain the calamity of the moment.  Listen, Esther...The Jews are fasting, lamenting, wailing, weeping; crying out to God...Deliverance IS going to arise for the Jews. If you don't help now, it will come from another source.  But, don't think for one moment you and your father's family will be spared.  Don't think because you're in the king's house living as his queen, you're exempt from this DECREE of DEATH!  You, my daughter, ARE a Jew!  This is your moment to BE brave and be the ONE that God may use to bring DELIVERANCE to your people!  Haven't you ever stopped and thought that maybe, just maybe; that is the VERY reason you have come to your ROYAL POSITION?  For this time!  For this purpose!  For this moment!  For such as time as this?

Esther 4:15-16

¹⁵ Then Esther sent this reply to Mordecai: ¹⁶ “Go, gather together all the Jews who are in Susa, and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my attendants will fast as you do. When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish.”

Esther realized that she needed to become FIERCE in this moment.  She began to arise in the moment of DESTINY. I don't know if she understood that most of the providences were already praying and fasting...but she commanded her uncle to gather all the Jews in Susa to FAST for HER!  She had a purpose of this fast...It was to be able to go before the king and receive his favor to hear her request.  She stared her fear right in the face and said, "If I die...then I die!"  She decided that this truly was a crisis.  The only way there would be a potential turn around was to turn, fast, pray, seek, cry, ask....for three days, no food or water.  She was going radical.  Her, her attendants, Mordecai and all the Jews of Susa.  That was a corporate, full fast.  The purpose:  To seek favor from the King. To live and not die.

See, we have to get to a place of desperation!  How much do we want God to intervene in our lives?   How much are we willing to sacrifice to show God that we mean business?  What is three days of not eating or drinking in the light of eternity?  I was at that point in my life that I had become that desperate.  I had decided, that I too, was going to turn, fast, weep, mourn, and cry out to God for five days.  I did drink water and juice.  Holy Spirit will speak to your heart as to what you are to fast and the length you are to fast.  For me, I modeled Esther, with the exception of drinking water and juice, and adding two more days to my fast. My purpose was for breakthrough in my family.  I did the five-day fast with ease.  God had blessed me with such grace.  On the fifth day, I experienced a breakthrough.  A miracle had taken place and what had been decreed over me had been reversed.  The words spoken were null and void and God truly answered my prayers.

However, I had been in such emotional distress.  My physical body was never meant to carry burdens the way I had been carrying them in the form of stress. So even though I fasted with a purpose and the decree was reversed, my physical body couldn't carry anymore stress and began breaking down.  It started with a continual migraine that would not go away.  I couldn't stand anything loud or bright.  I sat in my bed for three days crying.  Tylenol, Advil, cold-presses, warm-washcloths on my forehead: nothing worked.  I felt like my head was going to explode. I had resolved that I was experiencing a brain aneurism. 

The emotional turmoil that I was living in was too much.  I actually welcomed death.  I felt a very strong need to write each of my children a farewell letter.  I truly had never experienced pain like this.  Of course, I kept thinking I shouldn't have fasted those five days.  I must have depleted something and caused this.  Anytime you do something spiritual, you will face spiritual resistance.  The spiritual resistance was not only assaulting my body, but my mind as well...

My eye began swelling and tearing up continually.  I'm gonna share pictures with you.  I will tell you now, if you get grossed out easily, you can stop reading this blog and know that God is faithful and is healer.  Because of my eye swelling shut and the tears wouldn't stop flowing, I went to the ER to see what the problem was.  When I got to the ER, they looked at my eye and diagnosed me with Pink Eye.  I came home and the drops they gave me didn't seem to be working. If you look at the corner of my right eye, you will notice a bump.  That bump on the corner of my eye would NOT be pink eye.  I knew they diagnosed me wrongly.  The next day, I became a little more concerned.

I couldn't even open my eye and more bumps began to develop at the corner of my eye and at the tip of my nose.  My eye continually watered and I was growing more concerned, KNOWING the ER had misdiagnosed me.

We had a friend who was an eye doctor, it seemed logical that since my eye was swelled shut, that I should give him a personal call and ask his advice.  As soon as I told him, he said to meet him at the office.  My sister was very concerned for me and since I only had one eye, she immediately drove me to the doctor's office.  As soon as he looked at me, he said, "You have Herpes Zoster."  I said, "I have what?"  He said, "It's Shingles."  He gave me a steroid eye drop.  He told me I needed to get into my MD immediately. Thankfully, she was able to see me and wrote a script for an anti-viral.  I was thinking, this is good.  Yay, they diagnosed me and now this horrible thing is gonna be healed.  O boy, was I wrong!  The pain was unbearable! Nothing over the counter would stop the pulsating migraine at the top of my head.  Noise, light, any distraction, caused the pain to heighten.  So, of course, I was given a script for a narcotic.  Day two into the anti-viral, narcotic, and steroid eye-drops, I began looking like this:

It began getting disgusting.  This was my face.  My face and my eye were under attack. It was my right eye.  I had oozing sores. I was a mess.  My kids couldn't even stand to look at me.  My closest friend was my dog, Twix, who wouldn't leave my side.  I had just gotten off of a five-day breakthrough fast and here I am a mess. I couldn't help but think, maybe if I shouldn't have fasted.  I believe now, I could have lost my eyesight in my right eye, if I HADN'T been fasting for breakthrough in my life. The pain felt like a fiery arrow from hell targeted right at my head.  I laid in my chair for a week...in pain.  Thank goodness for my sister and another close family friend.  They both helped with my kids and brought me dinner. I really couldn't eat.  I drank a lot of fruit smoothies.  My sister was my lifeline through this ordeal...I'm so thankful for her.

As the anti-viral began kicking in, the shingles became more apparent on the nerve line they were attacking. From the tip of my nose up through my hairline and my right eye.  After about a week, I began to be able to open my eye.  God preserved my eyesight.

This was a life lesson for me.  Never let someone else's guilt, shame, condemnation, accusation; beat you down so far that you lose yourself.  God is a God of Peace; not of accusation, blame, bitterness, anger, unforgiveness, etc...He never meant us to carry those toxic things inside of our hearts, minds, souls, spirits.  This is what I looked on the outside, my insides were so much worse.  I was guilty and wasn't shown mercy.  I was accused and not acquitted.  I was condemned and not forgiven.  I was rejected and not received in mercy or grace. This is a continual picture to remind me that what we reap, we sow.  We cannot outgive God...So even though, I was so broken and bruised, God accepted me.  He forgave me.  He loved me...He received me.  He acquitted me.  He loved me.  He was my Prince of Peace in the midst of this chaotic vortex of emotions. 

As I started feeling better, I began making my way out of the darkened world that held me hostage.  I would just sit outside and cry...just so thankful that 'I once was blind, but now I see.'  God walked with me with healing in his wings.  I was so grateful that the migraines had finally subsided and I wasn't loopy and spaced out on narcotics anymore.   When I would go out shopping, I would run into people I knew and they 'd ask me if I was in a car accident.  The shingles scarred my entire nose, eyelid and forehead.  I lost eyelashes on my bottom eyelid that have never grown back.  I was told by my friend shortly after, 'honey, they never will grow back.'  I am continually reminded of this moment in my life when I was hit hard with a fiery arrow from hell. 

It was later I was reading a book called, "Dancing with Destiny" by Jill Austin where she said she had shingles in her right eye.  The enemy targeted my prophetic gifting.  He wanted to take me out.  He hit hard and it was a devastating blow.  God's love was stronger.  God's love covered me and strengthened me through this fiery trial.  I know that the five-day fast I had been on prior to this horrible experience protected me more than I will ever know or understand on this side of heaven.  Even after all the scabs fell off and my missing eyelashes laid bare; the virus would NOT let go of my body easily.  I had to take the anti-viral for three months.  That's not typical.  Usually, one dose of the anti-viral takes the virus back into dormancy. 

The second month into Shingles, I went back to my MD with the fuzzy feeling in my eye.  She put me on another dose of the anti-viral and ordered a complete set of blood tests. She said this was out of the normal for the Shingles virus not to go into dormancy.  All the fears that crept into my head of what could be wrong.  It was more torment.  The enemy tried to wear me out. 

Then I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying, "Now the salvation, and the power, and the kingdom of our God and the authority of His Christ have come, for the accuser of our brethren has been thrown down, he who accuses them before our God day and night. Revelation 12:10

The third month into this episode I began feeling the fuzzy weird feeling in my eye again, it was on a Friday night when both of my doctors offices were closed.  I went to a wellness clinic and the technician pretty much yelled at me. She said, "You need to get to an ER right away, you don't mess with shingles in your eye, you could lose your eyesight."  Meanwhile, HELLO!!!!  Her words put enough fear into me that I went downtown to an ER.  Immediately, they rushed me into an infectious disease room away from other patients. Wow, this was much different than my first visit to the ER with the onset of this virus.  Another dose of anti-viral AGAIN!

And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.   Revelation 12:11

The blood of the lamb and the word of my testimony.  Finally, I overcame this battle.  I came out with battle wounds for sure!  God's love covers ALL!  When the Lord tells you to fast, FAST!  He wants to prepare us today for the battles that we face tomorrow.  During this time, I spent a lot of time praying, wailing, and seeking.  He set me apart.  He dealt with my heart.  Forgiveness, love, gentleness, meekness, kindness, patience, self-control, faithfulness; these seeds were sown and are now being harvested in my life.  He's a good, good father.  O, how I love Jesus, the Glory and the lifter of my head!  The healer of Shingles and the One who has anointed me to share the good news!